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Eons Detected at Cern

Updated: Feb 10, 2019

By Matthew Higgins

"The net effect will most likely be a superposition of both useful and relatively non-useful for ordinary folk."

Time Boson

Eons were thought to exist for centuries, but now, Scientists at Cern appear to have finally ‘cracked’ the long sought after particle, otherwise known as the Time Boson.

Eons are believed to play a vital role in a process known as Quantum Time Wasting - a process by which time disappears when observed at about room temperature.

The sonic instagram from this experiment - confirms the alleged existence of this particle.

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Now to the experts...

We interviewed one of the scientists from the LHC to get an idea of what any of this means…

Scientist: “Similar to quarks in nuclide hadrons, eons themselves are composed of smaller epochs.”

“Ahh, sort of like how a pair of M&Ms crushed together could be thought of as piles of miniature M&M’s.”

Scientist: “Precisely. By colliding late antiquity with Post-modernism, clouds of positively charged imaginons and 1/2 spun mysterons start to emerge - as seen in this free-associative image.”

So what does this mean for science, and for young people, now that this result will most likely effect them?”

Scientist: “Well, let’s not get too carried away. The net effect will most likely be a superposition of both useful and relatively non-useful for ordinary folk. It’s hard to pin down just how much spin these particles are really getting. It may take a couple more eons for us to fully work this one out…”

Many scientists would say that we’ve always been aware of what time is, even before science was invented. But furthermore, scientists are now proposing a brand new Quantum Tense, which operates outside the standard liguistical tenses - past, present, and future - to help understand what these astonishing claims might potentially mean.

Here is what Michio Kaku had to say on this matter…

Michio Kaku: “If I were trying to describe an event which already hasn’t happened yet, which is something that can only be described on the subatomic level, then this tense will become already necessary for transcribing events in the lab.”

“So is there a way we can start learning this new Quantum tense in order to understand what it is that you’re saying?”

Michio Kaku: “Not until you haven’t done so which may already took practise.”

At this point, Michio Kaku spontaneously transcended physical matter and became a pure light being in order to represent a second image of the experiment –

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Thanks to these efforts at Cern, the exciting world of obscure frontpage literature which noone really understands is continuing to accelerate faster than ever before.

And with the use of new tenses, who knows what might already hasn’t happened yet around the corner?

What existing new discoveries might unfold in this strange world of quantum mechanics?

It may only take a few more eons, for us to find out…

Pictures courtesy of:


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